


Take My Whole Life Too

by carry_on_my_gayward_son



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: ACOTAR - Freeform, ACOWAR, F/M, Fake Dating, Friends to Lovers, Nessian - Freeform, acofas - Freeform, acomaf, ehhhhh kinda, it started out that way anyway, pregnant feysand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 01:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20648855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_my_gayward_son/pseuds/carry_on_my_gayward_son
Summary: Nesta and Cassian have been best friends for the past eight years after they came back from the Illyrian camps. Cassian is in love with Nesta, and Nesta is in love with Cassian, but they're both extremely stubborn and refuse to acknowledge these feelings. That is, until Nesta is forced to see Tomas Mandray again.





	1. Nesta

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a fake dating fic, then kind of turned into a friends-to-lovers fic and uh now it's what it is.  
Hope you all like it! xx

I open the front door with a smile on my face, sensing Feyre on the other side. She waltzes through, out of the cold, and sweeps me into a hug. She pulls away and holds me out at arms length, her hands on my shoulders.

“You look better, Nesta.”

I nod and pull away, rubbing at my right shoulder where her hand was. “Elain’s really helped.”

Indeed, our other sister has been a great help since my break-up with Tomas Mandray. My _second _break-up with Tomas. After a few years of having to deal with him in my work as emissary to the human world he apologised and asked for a second chance, which I stupidly agreed to. One of his brothers revealed to me a few months ago that Tomas was only courting me to get close to Rhysand. I had broken up with Tomas that same day and had fled to my family’s home in the village, where Cassian had come to collect me later that night.

Cassian. My mate. The mate that was my best friend with whom I shared a mating bond that I was desperately trying to ignore. He knew, of course, about the bond. He hadn’t tried to talk to me about it, and I knew he wouldn’t unless I hinted at it first.

He had found me crying that night in my old bedroom. The same bedroom where he had – oh where had kissed me, made me feel things in places no one else had ever affected me. The place that I had shoved him away, hurt him. And instead of letting those things get in the way, he had wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest. He held me through the night as I sobbed, getting snot and tears all over his shirt – which I still hadn’t apologised for, now that I recalled.

Feyre squints, and my heart stops for a second as I think she might’ve heard about Cassian visiting almost every day.

“Was your skin always this dark? I swear you were the paler of the three of us,” she asks, and I let the tension in my shoulders ease.

I slide my shawl away from my arm so I can look, and I notice that Feyre’s right. My skin is slightly darker than it has been in the past. Stupid Cassian insisting that he take me flying in the middle of summer.

“Uh, I guess I’ve just been in the garden with Elain a lot recently,” I lie.

She squints again but lets it go. We walk into the living room and I sit on the couch, while she sits in one of the armchairs.

“Well, I came here to tell you that you’ve been invited to come with the rest of us to Lucien’s brother’s wedding.”

I frown. “Which poor female was tricked into marrying Eris?”

“Um, actually. He’s marrying a human girl. It’s a love match”

I blink. Eris? In love? Hard to believe, but that isn’t my issue with this.

“Where and who?”

Feyre pauses, looking away from me, and I sigh. The mortal realm. Great.

“Who’s the poor girl?”

“Do you remember Hestia Caraway?”

My heart stops. Feyre looks up at me, pity in her eyes. She pushes herself out of the armchair and comes to sit next to me. I let her take my hands in hers.

“Rose is going.” She confirms. “You don’t have to come. It’s in two weeks.”

“I was friends with Hestia once. And I would never want to make you and Rhysand look bad by not going. I should go.”

Feyre pats my hand and stands up. “Think on it.”

I nod and stand to see her to the door. She glances at the armchair that she didn’t sit in and smirks.

“Maybe you should talk to the commander about what to do.”

I turn and can now see what Feyre saw. It’s very obvious that a male has been sitting in that chair often. Rhysand doesn’t visit me without Feyre, Lucien’s terrified of me, and Azriel isn’t the sitting type, at least not around me – leaving only one other male. I hiss and turn back to my sister who is still smirking at me. She turns on her heel and stalks out of the house without saying goodbye.

Damn Cassian and his ass.


	2. Cassian

I stop at the bookstore and at the bakery on my way to Nesta’s house. Well, cottage is more accurate, but she insists on the use of ‘house’. I knocked over a vase full of flowers last time I visited the one bedroom ‘house’, so I figured a satisfactory apology would be a new book and a bag of fresh scones.

Autumn has just arrived, so Velaris is filled with reds, oranges and browns. I consider buying a bunch of freshly bloomed crocuses to give Nesta, but reconsider when I remember the distinct lack of vases in her life right now. Hopefully the book and scones will be enough.

I reach Nesta’s front door and haven’t even raised my fist to knock before a scent of distress hits me and the door is thrown open. She whirls away from the door again and I step inside, gently closing the door behind me.

“Nes?” I call into the house.

“Here,” is the only reply, echoing from the kitchen.

I’m careful not to knock anything over as I navigate my way through the hallway and living room to the kitchen. Nesta is sitting at the two person table and staring miserably into her tea. 

“It won’t talk back,” I say as I put the book and scones on the counter.

“Hi, Cass.”

My heart aches at the pain in her voice and I step up behind the chair she’s sitting in, folding over to wrap my arms around her. Nesta shakes with a sob and I press the side of my face to her shoulder.

“Shh. It’s alright.”

Nesta stands up, pulling out of my arms before throwing herself back into my embrace. She presses her face against my chest and wraps her arms around my waist. I place a hand on her head and gently stroke her hair.

Nesta cries, and I hold her close, letting her slowly calm. I loosen the grip of her arms around me as she pulls away to wipe her eyes and I tuck some hair behind her ear so that it’s out of her face.

“What happened?” I ask gently.

The last time I saw her cry like this was when she found a letter on her doorstep from Tomas – a letter I burned after reading (at her request).

“Eris is getting married. We’ve been invited to the wedding.”

For a few moments I’m confused. Nesta didn’t have a lot to do with Eris – she hates him, but she doesn’t have a reason to be upset over him getting married – at least no reason that I know about. But then I realise it may not be him.

“Who’s he marrying?”

Nesta wipes her eyes with her shawl, which is wrapped tightly around her as if she’s freezing. I step forward and rub my hands over her arms to warm them up. She looks up at me gratefully.

“A human girl named Hestia Caraway. I used to be friends with her,” she says softly.

My brain races at the recognition that ignites in me at the name Caraway, but I can’t place it. “Caraway?”

“Rose Caraway’s sister.”

Oh. The girl that Tomas Mandray is marrying. He announced the engagement one month ago and told Nesta in the letter that I read for her. When recounting the contents of the letter to her, I left out the nasty things he had to say about her and our family, but I told her about him and Rose. I was scared it would break her – the man that broke her heart twice was engaged to one of her old friends only two months after they had parted ways.

“Are you going to Eris’ wedding?” I ask.

Nesta sighs. “I’m not sure. I was friends with Hestia and she never did anything to me. She was always so sweet. And Eris is an arse, but he’s been forgiven for what he did, so I shouldn’t hold that against him when he’s found happiness.”

“But..?” I wait.

She sighs again and I take one of her hands in mine. “Tomas hurt me. He’s guaranteed to be there. Rose was always a conniving bitch-” I blink in surprise. “-but I never thought she’d go as far as to snatch up the man who broke my heart.”

I rub a thumb over the back of her hand. “Don’t think about what you should do for others; think about what you need to do for _you_.”

Nesta looks up at me gratefully and glances around. This is when she notices the paper bag and the book on her kitchen counter.

“Wha-?” She turns to me, her mouth open in confusion.

I grin sheepishly at her. “I made a few stops to get a few apologies for breaking that vase last week.”

She shakes her head, smiling at the floor and goes to peek inside the bag. I watch, eyes fixated on her mouth as she pulls out a scone and takes a bite. A small groan escapes her mouth and a blush spreads over her cheeks when she realises.

I chuckle and lean against the doorframe. “Throw me one, Sweetheart?”

She glares at me but throws one to me anyway. I take a large bite, grinning at her as I chew, eliciting a laugh from her. It’s music to my ears.

She sobers and leans against the counter as she watches her hands rip a small piece from her scone. “I feel like I need to go. Show him that I’m better without him.”

“You are better without him. But you don’t need to prove that to him. He won’t care,” I remind her, even though I know she knows.

A sigh slips past her lips and she nods. “I guess it would just be easier if I had a date.”

“I could be your date?” She looks up, alarm in her eyes. “I - no! I just mean as friends!”

She looks away, but I can still scent the sudden distress on her. I groan inwardly. I should’ve thought about how she would react before I asked. I’d been so careful not mention the mating bond, or even to come across as anything more than friendly for fear of scaring her away and losing her completely.

“You know what? I’m just gonna go. I’ll see you at Feyre’s dinner tonight?”

Nesta doesn’t seem to hear me, so I decide to let myself out. I’m stepping through the open door, about to close it when I hear her in the entryway. I look up and she’s standing there, eyes wide, fear dripping from her. My gaze follows her as she steps up to the door and reaches for it as if to close it.

“We’ll have to put rules in place,” she says simply before closing the front door and shutting me out in the autumn air.

I grin and spread my wings, ready to go cheer to the skies.


	3. Nesta

My sister and her High Lord often host family dinners. Rhysand holds them so that he can make sure he sees his family on a regular basis, which gets difficult sometimes when we all have work to do. Feyre started inviting Elain soon after the war, but I didn’t get an invite until after returning from the Illyrian camps. I’ve never held it against her for not inviting me for so long – I wouldn’t have invited me either – but I do enjoy them now, especially when everyone is there. Which everyone is tonight. Elain and Azriel with Lyla, their sweet little girl, Cassian, Mor, Amren, and of course our hosts, Feyre and Rhysand. Lucien receives invites, and I know he’s in town right now, but Elain explained that he doesn’t feel like he belongs with our family, so he has never attended a dinner.

I sit with Mor on the balcony of the House of Wind, listening as she recounts the latest story regarding her lover of four years. Mor has more stories about Celene than I have books, so I’m only half listening. She knows that I’m not paying her attention, but she doesn’t seem to mind, continuing to chat while I sit, daydreaming.

Cassian comes to offer me a glass of mulled wine, which takes my attention completely away from Mor, who groans and gets up to leave. Cass murmurs a greeting to her as she passes but she waves him off.

“Thanks,” I mutter, staring into the glass before taking a tentative sip.

_Mmm. _It’s spiced with cinnamon and clove and is nice and warm against the autumn chill.

I listen as Cassian walks around to Mor’s abandoned chair.

“How are you doing?” He asks reaching over to rest his hand on my knee.

“Better.”

My hands wrap around the warm glass in my hands, and I think I might prefer the warmth against my palms to the flavour of the wine.

I look up and concern disappears from his face, quickly replaced by a grin.

“I thought we were past that.” I frown and go to stand.

His face falls and he quickly reaches for my wrist.

“Nes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

A quick glance at his eyes confirms that he is sorry, so I sit down again. He pries one of my hands from my glass and twines them together.

“I’m sorry. We are past that.”

I nod and he smiles genuinely at me this time. The smile on my face breaks out before I can catch it. But it’s genuine too.

“So,” he says, smile switching to a smirk. “What kind of rules were you talking? Kinky rules?”

My sip of wine catches in my throat and I glare at Cassian.

“_No. _I did _not _mean kinky rules. I meant rules to keep us from needing kinky rules.” I throw out the last sentence without thinking about it.

Cassian’s eyebrows fly halfway to his hairline. “Oh?”

I pull my hand out of his and swat at his wrist. “Co-operate will you?”

“Fine. What’s rule number one?”

We sit for the next ten minutes creating our list of rules. Cassian argues over rule number 3 so I compromise with rule number 4. Although the original compromise was one dance. Our final list is:

Rule number 1: no lying to our family.

Rule number 2: no romantic gestures. AKA, no kissing.

Rule number 3: Nesta gets Cassian’s dessert.

Rule number 4: Cassian gets to claim at least three dances.

Rule number 5: no going home with anyone (especially not each other)

Cassian is still arguing over the third rule when Feyre calls us in to the dinner table. I sit between Elain and Lyla, who insists on sitting next to Cassian, who is on Rhysand’s right. Feyre and Rhysand are at the heads of the table. Azriel, Mor, and Amren sit on the other side. Mor is between Rhysand and Azriel, and Amren is between Azriel and Feyre.

“Thank you all for coming…” Rhysand stands and tells us to dig in.

Lyla takes my hand in one of her tiny ones and starts drawing swirls on the back of it with her finger. I feel someone’s gaze on me and look over Lyla’s head to see Cassian watching with a soft smile. My heart flutters at the sight but I look back down to Lyla when she whispers my name.

“Yes, Sweetie?” I lean my head down towards her.

“Can I show you a secret?”

I nod. “Of course, Sweetheart.”

A chuckle from Lyla’s other side makes me look up. Cassian is grinning at me.

“I thought ‘Sweetheart’ was our thing, Sweetheart.”

I stick my tongue out at him and am about to reply when Lyla pipes up.

“You’re not paying attention!” She exclaims, not so whiny as concerned that I’ll miss her trick.

I turn back to her as she starts making little gestures with her hands. For a few seconds nothing happens and her little face scrunches up in concentration. Then a little flower bud appears in her hands and begins to bloom. When it reaches full bloom, Lyla stops, and the flower falls into her open hands.

“That was amazing!” I smile down at her and she grins up at me.

“Do you mind?” Cassian asks on her other side, reaching for the flower.

Lyla shakes her head and lets him take it. I watch as he examines it before he reaches over and tucks it behind my ear. His eyes meet mine and his fingers linger on my cheek.

“Pretty Nesta!” Lyla cries out, a bright smile on her face.

Our family turns to see what Lyla is talking about, and Cassian drops his hand from my face, leaving a cold spot where his fingers touched me. Elain _tut_s next to me.

“Lyla, I told you not to do that too often,” she scorns her daughter.

“Sorry, Mama,” Lyla mumbles.

I pat her hand comfortingly and look over at Cassian. He is staring at me, a soft smile adorning his beautiful face and I turn away in an attempt to rid myself of the tugging in my gut.

The dinner passes quickly, and we finish the brownies that Elain brought us. Lyla fell asleep in my lap just before dessert and I pass her to Azriel once everyone is ready to leave. We say goodbye to each other and Rhysand and Feyre dive over the balcony to winnow back to their estate. Azriel flies Lyla and Elain back to their townhouse, and Mor walks out onto the stairs so she can winnow Amren home, leaving me alone with Cassian. I turn to him and he flares a wing. He holds out a hand for me to take and leads me out to the balcony. I step into his arms and he drops off the side of the mountain.

We’re soaring over Velaris towards the edge of the city where my house is. Cassian’s breath is uneven by my ear and I turn to look at him. He glances at me but quickly looks back out at the city.

“You’ll actually be my date for Eris’ wedding?” I shout over the wind and the boom of his wings.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He asks, still looking out at the city.

He starts to dip towards the ground as we near my home. I shrug and look away.

I sigh when we land, and he sets me down. “I guess I thought you might have another female that you’d like to take.”

“Nesta.” He says sharply and I turn to him, surprised by the tone in his voice.

Cassian take my chin in one of his hands and pulls me flush against him with the other hand which wraps around my waist. He kisses me and I gasp into his mouth, closing my eyes as his lips move against mine. He pulls away, leaving me wide-eyed and breathless.

I watch, dumbstruck, as he flares his wings once again. “There’s no one but you.”

Then he takes off with a _boom, _leaving me standing at my gate with a hand resting over my heart in a pathetic attempt to calm it.


	4. Cassian

Elain offered to make me an outfit for the wedding, but I declined when I found out that she was making Nesta’s dress. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my sister-in-law, but she’s a little plotting matchmaker. So instead I agreed to let Azriel take me shopping. We walk through the city, past shop after shop. At the door of each clothing store Azriel gestures towards it to ask if I want to go in, but I shake my head at every one.

We pass the one lingerie shop in the city and I falter, imagining Nesta in there, fondling each of the lacy under-things.

Az rolls his eyes at me and punches my arm.

“You’re pathetic.”

I glare at him and stomp off. He follows, of course.

“Listen, you obviously don’t want to pick something out for fear of not matching with Nesta, but you also don’t want Elain to make you something that will guarantee you match her dress. What do you want?” He asks, and infuriatingly, in a non-judgemental way.

I sigh. “I don’t know. I’m in love with her, you know.”

He nods and keeps pace as I stalk through the streets of Velaris, probably scaring the poor shopkeepers.

“Why don’t you tell her?”

“We have an unspoken agreement that if anything is to happen between us, she will be the one to instigate it.” An agreement that I broke the other day when I kissed her._ Idiot._

He hums and we don’t say anything for a while. After a few minutes of silent walking he grips my arm and winnows us out of the street. I double over as we step out of his shadows and I look around. We’re in the living room of his and Elain’s townhouse. Elain walks through the doorway from the kitchen and lets out a short scream, pressing her hand to her chest.

“I thought you two were going out today?”

I look at Az and glare. “We were, but my brother decided to kidnap me. So here we are.”

She gives her husband a pointed look and calls up the stairs for Lyla to come down.

“Well I was just about to start making Lyla’s dress for the wedding, but I guess I can ask her to look through fabrics while I take your measurements,” she says.

Az and I apologise to Elain for mucking up her schedule, but she waves a hand and tells me to take my jacket off. Lyla tumbles down the stairs in her rush to tackle me in a hug and I chuckle as I pick her up. Elain leaves the room and returns with armfuls of fabric, which she sets out on the floor for Lyla to pick through. I set Lyla down and Elain comes over with her measuring tape.

“Nesta is wearing grey,” she says simply, before lifting my arms up and measuring around my torso.

I look over at Az, who shrugs and kneels next to Lyla to help her choose a fabric. Elain continues measuring me for a shirt and pauses, looking up at me.

“Do you need pants too, or just a shirt?”

“Uhh,” I stutter. “Just – um, just the shirt.”

She nods and puts her measuring tape on the coffee table. She then picks Lyla up, who has chosen a shiny, pink fabric for her dress.

“Pick a fabric,” Elain says, and retreats from the room with a hungry Lyla in her arms.

“What colour?” I ask her, but she’s already gone.

Az raises an eyebrow and I roll my eyes. We both know I’ll pick grey in the end, even if I pretend to consider other colours before announcing my final choice. I look over the swaths of fabric Elain has laid out and I look over the greys. I pick a simple, dark grey fabric in the end, which Az informs me is linen. Elain comes back in and eyes the fabric in my eyes. She nods approvingly and takes it out of my hands.

“You can go now, boys. I’ll need a couple of days to work on this on top of Nesta and Feyre’s dresses.”

Azriel kisses her goodbye and we walk out the front door into the autumn air. The sky got significantly darker while we were inside, and I can smell the rain coming.

“Is there anything you-” Az starts, but doesn’t finish.

We both hear Rhys’ voice in our heads, and we exchange a look before beating our wings and flying towards the House of Wind.

Within minutes, we’re waltzing into Rhys’ strategy room, where he is bent over a map of the Night Court. He straightens when we reach the table and he frowns at us. We frown back.

“What’s happened?”

“Keir and Taron have been in contact. They want to raise the Illyrian armies against me. Which will prove to be difficult after the work you and Nesta did with Devlon,” he looks at me. “But Taron was always one of the ones that hated me more than anything, and I never had any sway over the way he ran his camp. This alliance could certainly prove to be an issue.”

I look around. “Where is Feyre?”

The High Lady usually attends our meetings, no matter how important. So, to see her not here is certainly strange.

“She is… resting,” Rhys pauses, and he doesn’t need to say anything more for Azriel and I to understand where she is.

Feyre and Rhys had been having trouble conceiving, with Feyre losing all three of the pregnancies that had caught. Resting meant that she had conceived again and didn’t want to do anything to risk the child within her.

“What do you need us to do?” Az asks.

Rhys sighs. “At the moment? I just want you to go talk to Keir. Try get him to back out of this alliance. You’ll know how far you can go to try convince him.”

“When will we go?” I ask.

“As soon as possible. I can’t risk a civil war.” He looks up at us. “Good luck.”

Az and I nod to him and agree to leave in the morning before saying goodnight to each other.

The day has turned to night and rain has started to fall. But instead of flying to my apartment and climbing into bed, I go to Nesta’s house. I knock on the door and she opens it in a silk dressing gown.

“Cass?” She asks, obviously worried.

“Can I come in?” She nods and steps aside for me.

I follow her into the kitchen where she makes me a cup of tea. We sit at the small table together and just watch each other for a few moments.

Eventually she asks, “What’s wrong?”

I sigh and put down my cup of tea. “I’m going to the Hewn City tomorrow morning.”

She looks down at her tea and frowns. I know that she hates that place, well, more the people than the place itself. I watch and she reaches over and takes one of my hands in both of hers.

“Are you going alone?”

“Azriel is going too.”

She nods and breathes a soft sigh of relief. “How long will you be gone?”

Nesta looks up at me then, her grey eyes telling me everything that she’s feeling and thinking right now. She doesn’t want me to go. She is relieved that Az is going with me. She wants to come along, make sure I’m alright. She tucks her head down again so that I can’t read her anymore.

“Nes, I’ll be fine. I’ve done this hundreds of times before.”

She mutters a small “I know.” I sigh and stand up to go kneel in front of her. I place a hand gently under her chin and lift her face to look at me.

“I’ll be back in a few days. If I haven’t finished my business in five days, I’ll come back to see you. Alright?”

She shakes her head. “You don’t have to do that. I know you’ll be fine. I just – I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Sweetheart.”

She leans forward and brushes her lips gently against mine. “It’s late. You should be getting home.”

I stare at her for a few moments, slightly taken aback by her kiss. Then I shake my head, snapping myself out of it.

“Right. Yes. I’ll let you sleep.” I stand and make my way to the front door. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

She stays in the kitchen, so I let myself out silently. It’s only when I get home and drop into bed that I realise I’ve been grinning since I left.


	5. Nesta

Cassian has been gone for eight days. I was really jittery at dinner last night and everyone kept exchanging glances throughout the meal. Eventually, after barely touching my food, I asked Feyre to take me home and she willingly obliged. She stood on my front step as if she wanted to speak to me, but I said goodnight and closed the door before going upstairs and crawling into bed still wearing my dress.

Elain stopped by this morning and asked me to come around to her house so she could take some more measurements for my dress for the wedding in five days. So, I followed her through the crisp streets and let her stand me in the middle of her living room.

Lyla looks up at me from the couch that she’s sitting on. She has chocolate all over her face and she’s grinning guiltily at me. I grin down at her.

“What did you do, Sweetheart?” I ask, leaning forward slightly.

I hiss at Elain when she accidentally pricks me with a pin, and she frowns at me as if to say that it’s my own fault for moving. I turn back to Lyla, who has her hands shoved inside a pillow.

“Shhhh!” She says when she spots me watching, and she pulls out a handful of chocolate sweets.

But Elain isn’t as silly as her daughter thinks she is, and she swoops in to confiscate the pillow. Lyla pouts and I laugh at her, so she comes to pull at my skirts.

“Aunty Nesta are you going to get married one day?” She asks, looking up at me with large brown eyes.

Elain giggles from her sewing station and I glare at her over my shoulder. I look back at Lyla and pick her up, making sure there are no pins in my skirt that could poke her. She reaches out a chocolate-covered hand and pokes at my face. I laugh and smile at her.

“I don’t know, Sweetheart. I have to find someone willing to marry me first,” I say.

A voice from the kitchen doorway says, “That isn’t as hard as you think it is, Sweetheart.”

I turn and see Cassian leaning against the door frame. Azriel is already walking towards Elain, who has the biggest smile on her face. She kisses her husband and Lyla protests at being in my arms, so I put her down. Cassian walks towards me as Lyla runs to her dad. I watch, frozen as he stops in front of me and pulls a pin out of my skirt.

“Having fun here, Sweetheart?” He asks, holding up the pin to examine it.

“Elain has pricked me twice, drawing blood once, so no,” I reply.

His eyes lift to mine and he smiles a crooked smile at me. I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. He slides his arms around my waist and nuzzles his nose into my hair.

“I missed you,” he mutters.

“I missed you too, Sweetheart,” I reply, smiling into his shoulder.

Elain cries out from across the room. “Cassian! Step away from her! You’ll crinkle her skirts and move the pins!”

Cassian lets go of me and backs away with his hands raised in a surrender. He grins at me devilishly and that’s when I spot the bruise around his left eye. I step forward and gently reach out to touch my fingertips to the blue skin.

“What happened?” I demand.

He shrugs and looks down. He places a hand on my hip and plays with the pins in my waistline.

“Keir didn’t want to co-operate. It’s fine. I put him in his place.”

I frown and step away from his hand on my waist. He glances up at me apologetically and looks to Azriel before he gestures to the door. Azriel nods and kisses my sister and Lyla on each of their heads before leaving with Cassian, who keeps his eyes trained on me until the door closes, shutting him out.

I turn to Elain, about to ask how long her seamstress work will take but she raises an eyebrow at me and makes a knowing humming noise before turning away and picking up her box of pins. I groan and raise my arms for her to attack my dress again.

Two hours later I’m walking down the street to my house finishing off a cinnamon roll that Elain gave me as an apology for poking me with so many pins. I pause to look at the Sidra and watch the dead leaves floating towards the ocean.

A thud sounds behind me on the pavement and a voice says, “It’s a bit chilly out here, isn’t it?”

I shrug. “It’s been colder.”

I hear Cassian’s footsteps coming towards me and I turn my head to watch him lean into the railing along the riverside. He looks out at the river and traces a finger over the wooden rail.

“You let Keir get a hit in.” It’s a statement and it makes him flinch.

“Why would I do that?” He asks, voice lacking all emotion.

“I don’t know, Cass. Why would you? Please. Enlighten me.” I meant to beg, but it comes out slightly judgemental.

He turns to me, a dark glare on his face and hisses, “Don’t push this one, Nesta.”

I’m taken aback but my rage surfaces. We’ve been so close for the past sixteen years since we came back from the Illyrian camps, sharing almost all of our secrets, no matter how deep or dark. The only stuff we never shared was how we felt about each other and even then we still knew. And now this bastard is going to throw all of it away because he doesn’t want to tell me about a fight he got into.

“No. You don’t get to do that anymore. We share stuff, Cassian. If we start keeping stuff to ourselves again then that’s it. What we have will die. So, you better fucking tell me what it is or prepare to say goodbye to me.”

He pushes off the railing and meets my eye directly. “Fine. I kissed you. And I hated myself for it.”

I feel my heart wrench in two in this moment. Here is the male I am in love with, my best friend, my mate telling me that he regrets kissing me. To say it hurts would be an understatement.

“Oh.” I sound so broken. “Alright.”

And I had kissed him! The day after the first kiss he regretted! I need to get out of here.

I turn from his gaze and step away, feeling icy tears on my cheeks. I don’t even say goodbye before I start to walk away from him.

“Nesta, what? Wait!” His voice has lost all of the anger from a few moments before and is now instead dripping with fear.

The fear is what makes me turn around. My breath is knocked out of me when I see the terror on his face. He steps closer and wipes the tears from my cheeks. I watch, awestruck. Despite the pain in my chest, I let him. His fear awakens so much curiosity in me that I can’t bring myself to turn away.

“I thought I had ruined everything between us when I kissed you.” I realise he’s not finished telling me his story, so I listen as he continues wiping his thumb over my cheek.

“We had an unspoken agreement not to act on or even speak of our feelings for each other. And I was terrified that by kissing you, I was going to lose you. And then you kissed me the very next day. And what was I doing? Leaving.”

I watch his face as he speaks. His eyes have just been watching my mouth, but now he looks me in the eye.

“I should have stayed, Nes. We had both broken our agreement, and instead of leaving, I should have been here to explore that with you.”

I lift my own hand up to touch his cheek. He leans into the touch and closes his eyes. “The High Lord asked you to go. You didn’t have much of a choice. He would never leave Feyre right now, and this was urgent.”

“I could have asked Az to go alone. I could have fought. But I just left,” he says.

“Cassian, it’s okay. I don’t blame you for this.”

He looks at me again, his eyes meeting mine, and I watch as a single tear drops from those hazel orbs. I pull his face down to mine and kiss away that single tear.

“My mate,” he whispers.

I press my forehead against his and close my eyes. His breath is warm on my cheeks and his arms wrap around my waist.

“Walk me home?” I ask softly.

He takes my hand and we walk through the streets to my house as sunset commands the sky over the city. We reach my front door and I turn to him, taking one of his hands in two of mine.

“Now would probably be a good time to tell you that Elain, Lyla and I decided to go to the cabin in the mountains for a short holiday before the wedding. We leave tomorrow,” I say.

“Oh.”

I look up at him, at the disappointment on his face. “We didn’t know when you and Azriel were coming back, so Feyre thought it might be good for us all. She was going to come too, but, well…” Neither her nor Rhysand want to do anything to risk her pregnancy. I don’t need to say this. He knows.

“You don’t have to make excuses. I want you to have fun, and I know you’ll enjoy it up there. I guess I’ll see you in a couple of days?” He asks, rubbing my hands with his to fight off the cold.

“We’re actually going to go for the next four days. We’re coming back just before we leave for the wedding.”

“Oh,” he says again.

“You could come, if you want? I’m sure Elain wouldn’t mind.”

Cassian tilts his head at me, and I sigh. He slips his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. I press the side of my head against his chest and feel his lips graze the top of my head.

“It’s alright, Sweetheart. I’ll just see you at the wedding.”

He slowly pulls away from me and I watch as he walks back up my front walk and flies off. Then I walk inside and pack a bag.


	6. Cassian

I don’t see Nesta again until the morning of the wedding.

I spent the last four days staring at the shirt Elain finished making for me and wondering how well it would match Nesta’s dress, and if she knew our outfits would match. Az took me up to the House of Wind for a few hours each day for training and too blow off some steam. I know he wanted to go to his wife and child, and I wanted to go to Nesta, so the training was a good distraction.

The morning of Eris’ wedding, I go with Mor to scope out the venue in the mortal realm before the rest of the inner circle arrive. We’ve just finished up and have ordered drinks from the open bar when she turns to me, looking very nervous and staring down at her hands.

“Woah, you alright? Did you see something while we were checking?” I lower my voice and lean towards her.

She looks up at me and takes a deep breath before blurting, “I’m going to ask Celene to marry me.”

She and Celene have been together for roughly four years. They were very on-and-off to start with, but they managed to stabilise their relationship. Celene lost her mate shortly before meeting Mor, and Mor really helped her through her grieving.

“Wow, congratulations!” I say, genuinely excited for her.

A smile breaks out on Mor’s face. “Well, she still has to say yes, but if she does, I was hoping you’d be my best man?”

I jump out of my seat and wrap my arms around her. “Yeah! Of course!”

She taps me on the shoulder and pulls away. “I think your ‘sweetheart’ is here.”

I turn, expecting to see Nesta, but I’m met with the sight of Lyla skipping into the hall ahead of Elain and Az.

“Cassie!” Lyla squeals when she sees me.

I let out a laugh and bend down to pick her up. “How was your holiday, Sweetheart?”

She pokes at my black eyes, which has healed quite a bit but is still slightly green. “Good. I made a snowman with Nesta!”

I smile at my niece and kiss her head before handing her to Elain, who has joined us while Az goes to get them drinks.

“And you, Elain? Did you have a good time?”

She smiles at me over her daughter’s head and tilts her head at me. “I had a lovely time, thank you Cassian. Now, I assume you just want to know about my sister. She’s with Feyre. They’re coming just before the ceremony.”

I’m satisfied with the information Elain gives me and I change the topic to the High Lady. “How is Feyre doing? I haven’t heard much from her or my brother this past week.”

Elain’s smile turns grim. “It looks as if the baby is going to stick, but no one wants to get their hopes up.”

I nod and watch as Az joins us. He hands Elain a glass of red wine and takes Lyla from her, lifting her onto his shoulders, where she giggles and starts to braid his short hair. He nods to the door and I turn to see Rhys and Amren walking through the door. We nod to each other as they approach us.

“Are you all ready? The ceremony’s about to start,” Rhys says.

I start to look around, but Rhys lays a hand on my shoulder. “I just let Feyre know. They’ll be here soon. Come on. We can’t all be late.”

I follow our inner circle through an archway into a large hallway where Amren leads us to a row of seats, leaving two spaces next to her for Feyre and Nesta. I sit between my brothers, and the second we’re all settled, Lyla clambers over her dad to sit in my lap. I start to braid her hair to keep her still.

I feel it the second Nesta arrives with Feyre, but music starts playing as they slide into their seats so I can’t ask anyone to switch places with me. Lyla leans her head against my chest and falls asleep, so I’m forced to stay sitting throughout the ceremony.

Eris asked one of his brothers to be his best man, and Hestia asked her sister to be her maid of honour, but, other than the high priestess Eris must have asked to perform the ceremony, no one else appears to be part of the wedding party. Hestia looks beautiful, albeit small and pale, though most humans do seem to have adopted that look after the war.

Lyla wakes up towards the end of the ceremony and starts to get restless, so I let her reach up to braid small parts of my hair. She almost finished the third braid when Eris kisses his bride and they leave the hall to the sound of everyone’s applause. Az reaches over to take Lyla from me, and she protests as the braid she was working on falls apart.

“It’s alright, Sweetheart. You can braid my hair again tomorrow,” I assure her.

She pouts and shoves her face into her father’s shoulder as he chuckles and follows his wife out of their seats. Mor was sitting between Amren and Rhys, but she now shuffles past us to greet her friend Viviane. I turn towards Nesta, ready to speak to her, but she is walking arm-in-arm with Feyre, with Rhys keeping a close pace behind them. I stumble past Amren, who glares at me, on my way to them and I fall in line beside my brother. He glances at me with a smirk but doesn’t say anything.

“Is the reception being held here?” I ask.

Feyre turns around to look at me and gives me a smile. “It’s in one of the halls here, yes.”

“How are you doing?” I ask her.

She smiles again. “I’m good. This one feels different. The other pregnancies really drained me, and I struggled to do mundane tasks, but I feel a lot healthier this time around. If only _this _one-” she jerks her head towards her mate. “-would give me a break.”

Rhys gives her a stern look and I chuckle. “If you need me to have a go at him again to calm him down, just let me know.”

Feyre gives me a grateful smile and turns back to Nesta.

I follow my mate and my High Lady through a maze of hallways, until we reach a large hall filled with table and guests. Rhys steps up behind Feyre and whispers something in her ear. She pulls her arm out of Nesta’s and follows the High Lord to a table in a corner where Tarquin is sitting with Cresseida.

Nesta turns to me then, and I stare as I finally get to see the dress that matches my own shirt. It’s a simple style, very similar to the other dresses she wears, but it’s made of a thicker fabric, and the neckline is much less modest than usual. She clears her throat and my eyes dart to hers. She’s watching me, and I can tell she wants an explanation about the matching colours, although I know she’s amused rather than mad.

I shrug. “Elain made me do it. Feisty lot of females, you Archeron sisters are.”

She shakes her head with a laugh and steps around to link her arm with mine. “And I just _know _you’d have protested and protested until she threatened you with that scary demeanour of hers.”

She looks up at me with big, innocent eyes and I nudge her shoulder with my arm. “Oh, shut up. She scary.”

“Uh huh. Sure, Sweetheart,” she says with a laugh that lifts my heart.

We’re silent for a while, and we head towards the bar to get some drinks. I place my hands on her waist and lift her onto a stool, something she would usually protest at, but she doesn’t this time. I climb into the stool beside hers, and we wait for our drinks.

“So, have you seen Tomas yet?” I ask.

She shakes her head and looks up at me. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

The bartender hands us our drinks – her, a red wine, and me, a raspberry vodka mix – and I reach across to take Nesta’s hand. “What _do_ you want to talk about, Sweetheart?”

She looks as if she’s about to answer when Eris’ voice booms out through the hall and says, “Please, I implore all of you to join my bride and I in our first dance.”

A round of applause goes up and couples from every corner of the hall make their way to the centre of the room where a large dance space has been cleared. I stand as I pull my hand from Nesta’s and I hold it out to her. She takes it tentatively and slips off her stool to follow me onto the dance floor.

The band is playing a slow song, so I pull my mate close to me, keeping one hand locked around hers while the other wraps around her waist. Together, we sway softly to the music echoing through the large room. She presses her head against my chest and slides her free arm around my neck. I press my lips to her hair and kiss the top of her head.

“Did I ever tell you how proud of you I am?” I mutter into her hair.

She lifts her head and looks up at me. I watch as she shakes her head softly.

“I am. I’m so proud of you. You did so much for the females in the camps when we were there. You argued and argued about going there, and they weren’t your people, they didn’t take kindly to you, but you fought for them anyway.” I tilt my head down to rub my nose against hers. “You are so strong, and kind. You’re an Illyrian at heart and I’m so proud to have you as my mate.”

She nudges my nose with hers again and takes in a shaky breath. “I love you.”

I suck in a sharp breath and pull my head back to look at her. She opens her eyes and peers up at me and I watch as her eyes flutter closed, and she tilts her mouth up to mine. The kiss is soft but firm at the same time. It’s not desperate, but it doesn’t need to be. We have a lifetime ahead of us.

She pulls away and presses her forehead against my shoulder.

“Well,” she chuckles. “There goes rule number two.”

I remove my hand from her waist and gently lift her chin so that our eyes meet. “To hell with the rules.”

I press my lips to hers again and she sighs into my mouth, tilting her chin even more to give us better access to each other. Our linked hands untangle, and she places another arm around my neck, while I slide my other arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me. She makes an _mm _noise in the back of her throat before pulling away.

“I still want your dessert.”

“You can take my whole life, Sweetheart.”

I watch as a stupid grin breaks out on Nesta’s face and she slips her arms from around my neck to take one of my hands with both of hers.

“So… to hell with the rules?” I nod. “Does that mean rule number five can be ignored too?”

Her grey eyes lift to mine and she looks at me from under her dark lashes. She lifts my hand and presses a kiss to the knuckles.

I take a shaky breath and pull my hand back from her. Her cheeks are warm under my palms when I press my hands to her cheeks.

“I bloody hope that one’s being ignored.”

I kiss her quickly before taking one of her hands and spinning her. She lets out a little squeal, and a few of Eris’ guests around us give us weird looks, but Nesta has a large smile on her face when I turn her to face me again, so I don’t care what anyone else is thinking. I pull her close to me and kiss her forehead.

“Are you wanting to stay much longer?” I ask.

Nesta lifts onto her toes and says quietly, “I’m ready to go.”

She pulls back with a shy smile, and I take her hand in mine to kiss her knuckles. Then I lead her out of the hall, away from the guests, out into the night.

“I still own that house down the street,” she says.

I turn to look at her on the street of the mortal realm and I’m so hit with love for her that I would follow her back to Hybern’s feet if she asked me to.

“Are we flying?”

She grins and I sweep her into my arms before beating my wings and flying into the sky with a boom.


End file.
